Addiction – Poem
human bodies
remember the infliction of pain
the memories, the injuries
the human body
has a fascinating way of making you live the moment
all over again.
i am addicted to voices in my head
telling me what i am worth
and what i am not
where i do, and do not belong
my body is barely leaning against a wall
against a background of my nails scratching the dried up blood
the stories of pain and conflict are told in its corners
reeking through its cracks
every mistake I ever made
until it risks its fall
but the wall stands tall, i
am the wall.
i wake up
to the same scars
to the same bumps on my skin
dried up blood on my sheets and a
“oops”
i
did it again, well
we did it again,
didn’t we?
my bathroom floor already knows me
a little too well
the blood in the sink was the hardest stain to clean
but i remember all it took was my tears
to wash away my mistakes
from the nights before i disappeared
before I sunk into my own realm
and i
used to beg the voices in my head to leave me alone
but now that they’re gone
i am lonely
i have grown used to their company
to their echoes
feeding off my psyche
and I guess I am not really clean
since they’re still using me
the human body, registers the pain
and what causes it
and how it feels
just not this time, I think it failed somehow
it only feels like reality
looks like reality
but isn’t entirely real.
Author Nourhane Atmani.
Photographer: Mwangi Gatheca.
